Roots

"you get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place; like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll also miss the person you are not at this time and place because you'll never be this way again"

This quote has spoken some deep things to me this past year.  So many things have been changing, for better and for worse, and it's honestly so crazy to look back and see how those things have affected me and even to see the person that I was during those times.  I really think there is something to be said about how not only does everything we experience shape who we are, but also where we come from and where our families have come from.  All of this is such an important piece of the puzzle that is you and me.

I've never been able to explain it, but the rolling hills and the expanses of sky that can be found in Western New York have always had a special place in my heart.  For as long as I can remember, taking that drive with my family and then on my own to college filled me with an emotion and feeling that I can't really describe.  It almost felt like a piece of me that had been missing was put back in its place.  (I felt the same way driving through the southern states last year as well coincidentally! southern girl at heart...)

I think I finally understand.  Where we come from and where our family comes from is so important and plays a big role in shaping who we are.  My dad and his dad grew up on a farm; being in areas with a lot of farmland (like wny) brings back fond memories and feelings of family, acceptance, and lots of love.  My mom grew up in the city and being there (while sometimes stresses me out haha!) fills me with a sense of adventure and desire to try/accomplish new things.  There is a little bit of everywhere in me; that comes not only from my parents, but the places I've been and the experiences I've had.  When we're first learning how to be alive, all that we have is our parents and our family: their opinions and ways of doing things, even what they believe.  But as we grow up, I think we learn how to think for ourselves, taking what we've been taught and adding to or revising it to fit what we believe and experience as an individual.  Everywhere we go, I think we leave a little bit of ourselves and take a bit of that place, so as we live our lives, we become a mosaic of the places and people that have touched our lives.  The past, present, and future.  It's SO interesting to me how all of these things are connected and everything matters: every interaction, ever trip, every story told shapes who we are and the people that we become.

seriously, watch "The Hollars".  that's what sparked all these nuggets that i tried to make coherent...

"comparison is the thief of joy"

i just wrote a really great post and then my ancient computer deleted it :[ so i'll try again.

comparison is something i've been struggling with a lot recently.

if you know anything about my personal life struggles, you would like that my life is not exactly where i thought it would be.  as a newly minted college graduate, i had all of these expectations of what i thought my life needed to be and look like.  according to live up to societal standards for people my age, i need to be living on my own, with a cute apartment, making new friends, and having a grand old time while i "figure life out", enjoying the freedom and some of the responsibilities of "real life".  it all looks so cute and fun in the movies and in my head.  unfortunately (but also fortunately...) that is not what happened.

real life is actually messy.  very rarely does reality live up to our expectations.  and even though my life right now is a pretty sweet gig, i tend to get super caught up in the reasons that my life sucks or isn't like other people's that i know (or even people that i don't know).  i just started a really awesome full-time job in my field and i'm living at home to save money.  both of these things are super positive and blessings that i did not anticipate, but so often i focus on what i don't have.  i'm as single as a slice of cheese (seriously everyone is getting married. why.) and sometimes i'm embarrassed to say i live with my parents at 22.  when my bar of success is set at the level of my perceived societal standards, i will never be good enough.  that's where the joy gets stolen: i can't see the blessings and the joy of Christ in my life when i'm focused on what i don't have compared to everyone else.

instead, i need to see myself though Jesus' eyes: as a deeply loved, completely forgiven, and fully accepted child.  my failures and embarrassments mean nothing to him.  i can celebrate my triumphs as what they are, gifts from God and not as another way i don't measure up.  this is such a better way to live; it's full of joy and smiles and happiness because my worth and my story are not based on what i can or can't do, but solely on the works of Jesus through me.